


My Sam

by crazydiamondsue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Post-Canon, Post-Supernatural (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:47:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29318136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazydiamondsue/pseuds/crazydiamondsue
Summary: Character study, head canon of my take on Sam Winchester. Based on Kita's 2016 Angel, The Series character study My Angel.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	My Sam

Knows six versions of the exorcism, including the invocation and the Psalms, uses the shortened “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te" most, but prefers longer that ends with “Ab insidiis diaboli, libera nos, Domine” because it literally casts out Satan, rather than just satanic powers. 

Really prefers the mental version, but…blood. And Dean.

Knew without thinking that saying it backwards would trap a demon in its vessel.

Kept the original amulet in his memory box after it returned to them.

Put it back around Dean’s neck before he wrapped the body and placed it upon the pyre.

Along with the picture of Mary and baby Dean.

Wanted desperately to keep Jack as their son.

Thinks of Jack with affection, but hasn’t prayed since Dean died.

Loved the way Claire fought.

Hated the way Claire fought.

Has had nightmares for so many years he only notices that they no longer come true.

Keeps a six pack of El Sol beer in his refrigerator.

Always takes him a week to drink it.

Still loves Jess.

Could have loved Eileen.

Never got around to it, despite Dean’s desperate enthusiasm.

Doesn’t really regret that.

Loves having real memories of Mary.

Loves forgiving John.

Feels a little petty about it.

Felt protective toward Kevin.

Adds that to his nightmares.

Was glad when Dean’s leather jacket was stolen.

Might have left it unlocked in the Impala the night before.

Has kept in touch with Charlie via text since Jack did the reboot.

Has given up expecting her to care about other people. She’s given enough.

Still mourns his Charlie. Enjoys the dissonance.

Does not know why that is.

Is turned on by girls who can kick his ass.

And boys who can't.

Is a top.

Would bottom occasionally, but never sub.

Except for…well, you know.

Was your Dean’s first love.  
And his last.

Gets off *hard* on the memory of Dean killing Ruby.

Wishes desperately he didn't.

Still can't bear to celebrate holidays.

Fakes it for his son.

Loves the small of women's backs.  
And the nape of men’s necks. 

Feels lust rarely.  
Slakes it when he has to because it helps keep the angry at bay.

Finds the following attractive: Jess’s legs and beauty mark, Madison’s eyes, Amelia’s anger, Mick’s accent, and Dean.

Can no longer stand the smell of cheeseburgers and fries.

Is contentedly, if not happily, now a vegetarian.

Fears, on occasion, this might make him live longer.

Often wishes he had never been born.

Feels less this way when he holds his son.

Used to be willing to die for anyone.

Has lately narrowed it down to Dean(s).

Would still die if it would bring back his brother.

Still considers letting Dean down his greatest sin.

Does not believe he will actually ever be normal.

Worries that Dean II was only really born in order to remake their childhoods.

So he playdates and PTOs and homeroom parents like the demi-sexual beta god he is.

Remembers every moment of Hell.

Has never talked about it with anyone, even Dean, who is the only one who never needed to ask.

Knew Dean was standing behind him whenever he kissed Eileen.

Kinda got off on it.

Knew Castiel broke the wall in his mind.

Will not admit his feelings about that to anyone.

But knows Castiel taking on the Lucifer hallucinations is a pittance of penitence. 

Hates the word hero.

Believes Dean is one anyway.

Understands now the visions of clowns. 

Dreams of just one night with a family who loves him, and no monsters at his door.

Still does not believe he deserves it. Not alone.

Opened his eyes, and he was on that bridge.


End file.
